THE DIARY / ENTRY NO. 001
Nothing to Wear
(A Tragedy in Three Acts)
OCTOBER 13, 2003
Dear Diary,
Today, I stood in front of a wardrobe full of clothes and announced, with the confidence of a woman delivering terrible news, that I had absolutely nothing to wear.
This was, of course, a lie.
There were dresses. There were tops. There was a pair of trousers I had purchased under the impression that they would change my life.
They did not.
Anyway, I was late.
Today, I stood in front of a wardrobe full of clothes and announced that I had absolutely nothing to wear.
This was, of course, a lie.
There were tops, dresses, and trousers I'd bought under the impression they'd change my life.
They did not.
Anyway, I was late.
The Accusation
The wardrobe stood there, innocent and slightly overstuffed, while I searched for someone to blame. It seemed only fair. After all, I had spent a considerable amount of time and money assembling its contents. The least it could do was produce an outfit when called upon.
Instead, it offered me the same five tops I'd already tried on, a skirt I loved in theory, and a cardigan that made me look like I had very politely given up.
"You're being difficult," I told it.
I don't know what I expected it to say.
The wardrobe stood there, innocent and overstuffed, while I searched for someone to blame. The least it could do was produce an outfit.
Instead: five tops I'd already rejected, a skirt I loved in theory, and a cardigan that made me look like I'd very politely given up.
“You're being difficult,” I told it.
I don't know what I expected it to say.
The Negotiations
I began bargaining with garments as though we were trapped together in a very small lift.
Perhaps the skirt would work with the lace top. Perhaps the lace top would work if I stopped looking at it directly. Perhaps the jeans that had betrayed me last Thursday had experienced some personal growth.
They had not.
At one point, I put on a dress, looked in the mirror, and thought, That's her. That's the girl I'm trying to be today.
Then I remembered I had to walk somewhere.
Off came the dress.
A tragedy, really, how often a beautiful idea is defeated by public transport.
I negotiated with my clothes like we were trapped together in a lift.
Perhaps the skirt and lace top? Perhaps the jeans that betrayed me last Thursday had experienced some personal growth?
They had not.
I put on a dress and thought, That's her. Then I remembered I had to walk somewhere.
Off came the dress. Another beautiful idea defeated by public transport.
The Revelation
After a final round of negotiations, I found an outfit that worked. The top I'd ignored for weeks. The trousers I'd declared boring. Even the shoes were behaving themselves.
And wouldn't you know it? I looked lovely.
There was just one small problem.
I no longer wanted to go anywhere.
So I took it all off, climbed back into bed, opened a book, and made room for the cat. He approved immediately. At last, someone in this household understood the assignment.
Perhaps the perfect outfit was never the point. Perhaps I'd simply been looking for a reason to cancel my plans.
I will, naturally, learn nothing from this.
Tomorrow, I'll open the wardrobe again and accuse it of having nothing in it.
But tonight? I have a prior engagement with a book and a cat.
Eventually, I found an outfit that worked. And wouldn't you know it? I looked lovely.
One small problem: I no longer wanted to go anywhere.
So I changed back, climbed into bed with a book, and made room for the cat. He approved immediately.
Perhaps I never needed a new outfit. Perhaps I just needed a reason to cancel my plans.
I will, naturally, learn nothing from this.
Tonight, I have a prior engagement with a book and a cat.
